Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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