meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
