I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
