my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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