She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
