Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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