She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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