He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
