he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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