hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
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Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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