That's intense
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
