Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
