6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
