You can't motorboat a personality
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
