hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize