Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
