at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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