once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
