Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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