As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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