and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
