I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
