ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
