So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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