have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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it's like heaven, but drunker
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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