Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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