when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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