Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
