shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
