it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
