Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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