So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
