you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize