nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
