I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize