Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
