I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
