I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
