i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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