jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
