dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
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