HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
