I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
