yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
