I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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