just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
