youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
