I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
