I'm really into asian looking animals
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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