Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
