She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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