there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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