Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
