thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
