god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
