so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
