I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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