she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
