a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she told me i tasted like america
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
