All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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