You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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